God pays attention

I Don’t Trust God

I don’t trust God.

That’s the realisation I came to just over a month ago.

morguefile trust

Sure, if you had’ve asked me I certainly would have said I trusted God. But my mental agonising, internal temper tantrums and occasional whinge sessions with my sister said otherwise.

There was a very real reason behind my worry. I was at a point where my life could go one of two ways; lets call them Option A (for Awesome) and Option B (for Boring, Bad, etc).

Needless to say, I really wanted Option A. The way this panned out would affect my life in a fairly major way. But there wasn’t really anything I could do to force Option A to become reality.

So I waited. And prayed. And hoped. And day-dreamed. And stewed. And got frustrated. And worried. And grumbled.

For six months.

I said I was trusting God. And I was, to the degree that I didn’t throw my hands in the air and walk out on Him. I trusted Him enough to stay with Him.

But I didn’t trust Him enough to allow His peace to calm me down. No, instead I went through the up-and-down rollercoaster of trying to trust God for about four days, before something gave me hope that Option A really could happen. Then I focused my thoughts on that hope. Then something negative happened. Then I focused on that. And despaired. And the cycle started again.

One day I woke up and realised how ridiculous this was. And what it said about my real trust in God. I knew then that I had to decide. I either took God at His word and believed that He knew best or I didn’t.

I chose to believe.

It lasted four weeks.

After four weeks, I allowed myself to get distracted again. I took my eye off the ball – off God – and fell down again. I lost my peace. But this time, I realised something else.

Option A is never going to happen.

So now I’m living Option B, and again I have two choices. Trust God, or just watch TV for the rest of my life. (TV is my drug of choice when I’m upset.)

I’m finding that trusting God – and the peace that follows – is much better. I’ve also learned that I need to pray for help in trusting God, and remember to do it. It’s now written on a sticky note and stuck on my bedroom wall.

Moral of the story? I’m not as good at trust as I thought. But with God’s help, I can do it. And trusting God is way better than the alternative.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Advertisements

Breaking out of the Box

Have you ever given much thought to the first two words of the Lord’s Prayer?

Have they ever struck you as life-altering?

box stockxchange

If you’ve grown up in the church like me, you could probably recite this prayer in your sleep. I think I could do it in a coma.

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.”

Matthew 6:9-13 NIV

“Our Father” – stop right there.

In the original language, where is says ‘Father’, Jesus actually used the word for Dad or Daddy.

Hmmm.

Not Your Majesty. Not Your Honour. Not even Sir.

Dad.

Wow. Can we even comprehend the enormity of that? Try for a moment.

The God who made more galaxies than there are people, wants us to call Him Dad. The God who made Everest and the Grand Canyon like He was playing in a sandpit, wants us to call Him Dad. The God who could wipe out the universe or create a new one in a split second, wants us to call Him Dad.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.

Sounds like a pretty personal relationship to me.

And how about the rest of the prayer? Jesus instructs us to pray for our needs, for help in temptation and for forgiveness. All remarkable.

Does the President want to hear about how your day went? Will a judge care enough to ensure you have a way out of every tempting situation? Is your employer in a position to forgive you for everything you’ve done wrong?

Nope, nope, and nope.

Yet often we think of God as little more than a ruler, a judge, or a boss.

God is obviously much, much more than any of those boxes we’ve put Him in.