In a world measured by statistics, how can I not judge my own worth and efforts in the same way?
This week I’ve been learning more about how to market my writing. Marketing has always been a problem for me, because:
- It’s hard;
- I get frustrated that it’s not happening quickly;
- I get frustrated that I cannot use brute force to make it happen faster, and;
- I fear that my work and efforts are not good enough, and therefore I am not good enough.
I’m particularly vulnerable when it comes to marketing, because it is totally a numbers game; statistics are the only way to measure if what I’m doing is effective.
Where I come unstuck, is when I equate ‘effective marketing technique’ to ‘being talented,’ and ‘being talented’ to ‘having significance’.
And it all starts with this voice in the back of my head, playing like a song on repeat.
When I start to worry about the numbers, this voice says:
“Doing my best and accepting God’s plan is not enough. I have to be as good as, or better than, everybody else.
“I have to be the best. Anything less is failure. Failure is unacceptable.
“Not only do I have to be the best; I have to be special. I have to be recognized.
“God’s approval on my life is not enough; I crave the approval of others.
“It doesn’t matter that this season of ‘rookie-ness’ is drawing my soul closer to God. I have to ‘make it’ by the standards I see in others, the media, and those I set myself.”
This voice is both quiet and loud. It’s quiet enough that I don’t recognize it for what it is. It’s quiet enough that I almost never question it. It’s quiet enough that I’m used to it being there.
But it’s loud enough to make me discontent and anxious. It’s loud enough that I believe my current efforts are not good enough. It’s loud enough that it sucks my joy and peace and energy.
But I have to recognize that measuring the effectiveness of my marketing strategy is very different to measuring my value as a writer, or as a person who lives to please God. In fact, the statistics are completely irrelevant as to whether I’m living a life that pleases God. Gaining my self-worth from statistics, instead of God, is actually displeasing to Him. And since the purpose of my life is pleasing God, this little numbers-obsessed voice has got to go.
The only way I can think to do that is to replace it with God’s voice, and focus on the truth.
“Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.”
Isaiah 55:2-3 NIV
“… let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV
God, please help me recognize this voice when it starts to whisper lies to my mind. Please alert me to other negative messages just like it. And please help me to draw my self-worth, and my entire being, from You and You alone.
What about you? Is there an area in your life where you’re similarly vulnerable? Share in the conversation below!