She wouldn’t know it, but a friend of mine totally had God work through her on Wednesday.
That particular morning as I walked to work, I was really struggling. The start of my week had been challenging, plus I haven’t had a holiday in a while so I’m pretty tired. The tiredness plus the challenges meant that I was just dreading the day ahead of me.
I’m struggling to explain it here, because a blog can’t capture the emotions or the timing or the circumstances around it. The thing was, even though I know it’s not true, for the past few weeks… maybe even months… I’ve had an overwhelming sense that God is disappointed in me.
Even though I know not to believe feelings—they can be deceptive—this feeling overwhelmed me till I could sense its icy touch in the depths of my soul. I sensed that God had been accusing me for weeks, even as I told myself that it wasn’t God. But for every comeback I came up with, the voice answered, Stop making up excuses! Shake off that apathy and work harder!
I couldn’t win. God was distant and angry, and I had failed.
I know it’s not right. I’ve fought it all the time. But on Tuesday, I was just too tired to fight it off anymore. So I cried on the phone to Mum instead. Wednesday didn’t start any better.
Never in my life have I considered chucking a sickie, but as I walked to work that morning I reeeeeeeeeeealy wanted to. In fact, I was on the verge of bursting into tears and pulling out my phone when I looked up and spotted my friend walking ten steps ahead.
It’s not unusual for us to see one another in the mornings–our workplaces are close together. But the timing was ridiculously good, and I knew it had to be God.
I jogged a few steps to catch up to her, and she asked how I was. I was honest and said Tuesday had been rough, and she said she’d pray for me during the day.
That was the reassurance I needed.
It was just one simple sentence, but my mind went from I can’t do this, I can’t do this, to, She’s praying. It’s gonna be okay.
I could face the day again.
At lunchtime, I was talking to Mum and mentioned the encounter to her. She said she’d been praying that morning that God would show me his love in a tangible way. And he did.
Wednesday was like a ray of light broke through the clouds. Through my friend’s simple listening ear and offer to pray, God clearly said, I’M NOT DISTANT. I’M NOT ANGRY. THAT WASN’T ME. I AM HERE. I CARE. I LOVE YOU.
And I was so relieved.